Im a newbie - November was not a good month
Posted on: Tue, 02/12/2008 - 15:42
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Im a newbie - November was not a good month
HI All
This site is great and has been a real help.
My story:
I am a working mother(40) of 2 girls (16 & 13) whose life has been turned upside down in 4 weeks flat.
On the morning of October 30 after much nagging from me my very fit, and active husband (53) visited our local GP as his right leg had started swelling up. As we had just returned from holiday we thought it may be Deep Vein Thrombosis.
By Lunchtime he was being admitted to hospital on our GPs instructions. Following day he was diagnosed as having Primary Liver Cancer caused by Hepatitis C which he had probably had unknown for around 30 years.
After 1 week in hospital and various tests he was sent home after being advised he had a 6cm tumour and a blocked Portal Vein as well as severe cirrohsis. They advised that the tumour was too big to consider him for a transplant and because of the cirrohsis they could not operate but they may consider Chemo
We received an appointment to see a consultant at the out Patients clinic. The appointment was for Friday (28 Nov).
On Friday we rolled up thinking that we would be arranging chemo. At this stage there had been no mention of life expectancy.
We were told on Friday that there was actually 4 tumours and there was nothing they could do for him and expectancy was around 6 months.
1 Month ago we had everything to look forward to and now I feel as if my world has fallen apart.
We have told the girls that he has cancer but I cannot bring myself to tell them that he only has months to live. Really don't know what to do.
Any help would be appreciated.
Gillian
Hi Gillian
I am so sorry I can't be of any help to you. Your husband and yourself must be really devastated and I don't think any ony can say anything that will help but we are all here to listen if you need us
Teri
Oh Gillian, how truly awful.
My heart goes out to you sweetheart, and I really wish I could say something that would help you. I'm sure there are plenty of people on here who have been in similar, awful situations and I hope they find you and give you someone to talk you.
We are here for your support tho, and I will be thinking of you tonight.
*hugs* love Simone x
Simone
Thanks Simone, Thanks Teri
I have already found this site and the chat etc to be a great help. I am sure we will get used to it and get on with enjoying whats left of our time together.
Its great to be able to speak to people who understand. Its the suddenness of it that has thrown me.
But Thanks again and I am pretty sure I will be on here alot in future.
Gillian
I am so sorry to hear your dificult recent history. I am comming to this from this from a different angle - I am the patient and am terminal - I also have 2 daughters aged 13 and 15. If I can help you in any way I can - I will do so - please feel free to send me a Private Message (PM) if you want to discuss anything (especially regarding telling the children). Love strength and courage, Jools x
Hi Gilli, I am so sorry to read about your husband. What a terrible shock for you both. I hope that the help, love and support offered on this wonderful site will help you through the unknown chartered waters ahead. Sending you a big hug.
Take care
pheonix xxx
Hi Gillian,
How very very sorry I was to read your post. Nothing anyone can say will help I know. If you ever need to talk I'm told I'm a good listener.
Sending love and hugs to you all.
Anne
Hi Gillian
My name is Sherry. I am 42 and I have two boys 6 and 4 and unknown to them their dad, 55, has stomach cancer. Ours was a shock diagnosis back last May, we thought it was a bit of reflux and problems resurfacing with a previous hiatus hernia....but no, stage 4 oesaphgeal cancer. They have said a few months to a couple of years if he is lucky. He finished chemo a few weeks ago, but we are off to the hospital again thursday as he seems to be having swallowing problems already.......my boys know daddy has been poorly and saw him in the hospital with the chemo lines in etc, but I have not mentioned the word cancer or chemo to them. A classmate of my eldest son lost her mother last year to the same thing, so I don't want to frighten him. I think it is all down to what you feel they have to know and what questions they ask. Be honest without being too detailed, if you don't know the answer then say so. I don't honestly know what else to say to you, except that I do not feel quite as alone as I did five minutes ago......I have been strong and coped well throughout, but the the merest thought of my boys losing their dad and I go into an emotional panic....my world too has fallen apart.
Somehow we both have to get the strength to enjoy the time we have together as a family. I honestly don't know how we can do it, but for our children I am sure we will somehow cope, perhaps we can help each other along the way.
Sx
When I was diagnosed one of my main worries was telling the children and I couldn't decide what to do. Eventually I rang cancer backup and spoke to one of the nurses who was wonderful. She said that whatever I was to do the most important thing as far as the kids were concerned was that I was as honest as possible. She sent me all sorts of useful info and gave me a couple of good websites for teenagers. One of them was riffraff.co.uk I think if that's wrong it's something similar and you'll be able to google it. My kids did cope, although my prognosis was more optimistic than your husband's sounds. I would highly recommend you speak to them before telling your children any more as they were fantastic and I was on the phone to them for hours. I think that children do deserve to know the truth in order that they feel they can trust you if nothing else. I am so sorry for your husband's condition and I hope this helps.