A nervous hello from me

Hello, I just wanted to say welcome to the site and to offer my sincere condolences.
I hope you are able to get the support you need here, I'm sure you will.

Sending you my best wishes
Carol x

Hi there J,
Like many of the contributors on here I, like you, am a parent to a young (ish) child. So, I can only wonder at how impossible the last few years might have been for you. Losing a child is abhorent and unnatural in the scheme of things; we expect them to outlive us.
Anyway, you've taken the first step to making contact by posting on here. I'm sure that they'll be many, many others who might wish to offer you support, to chat and generally to make contact. The strength of this site is in the shared experience of all of us on here - whether as carers or, like me, patients of this unforgiving disease.

A

Hi J ,
First, my most sincere condolences. Secondly, welcome to the site. I feel sure you will get the support you are looking for here.

Kind regards and best wishes,

Terence

Hi Welcome to he site it is a wonderful place to come, however bad you are feeling. I am so sorry to hear that you lost you daughter I cannot even begin to understand how terrible it must been I am sure there are others on the site who will be more able to help you I just wanted to welcome you.
Lots of Love
Teri

Hi,

I've just read the posts and would like to offer you my condolences on the loss of your daughter. Not the same I know but I lost a much loved son-in-law 2 years ago to cancer. I'm new to this site too so I also wanted to say hello to you and everyone else.

Lots of love and hugs,
Anne

So sorry hun, I am blessed with 5 healthy children and would go to hell and back for them, but see your child so ill and to lose them, I can't imagine.
Big hugs sent your way hun.
Gill

Please may I ask how old your daughter was? It must be hell to watch anfd feel so hopeless as her mother that you could not save her, I am so very sorry. It is hard enough for me, my husband has bowel and liver cancer and we hae 10 yr old triplets, two boys and a girl. They were born in 1998, after ivf treatment, I was 46 and my husband 57 when they were born. Our first child died in June 94, Matthew was 14, he collapsed without warning in our garden and died instantly, we do not know the cause of death to this day. Life has never been the same since that day,even though we have three beautiful, special children, its a pain that never goes away, just dulls with time. I feel for for you so very much xxxx

Hi Triplets,
Thank you so much for your post,.. my daughter was 7 years old when she was first diagnosed, she died in September last year aged 10. Bye the way,.. I'm her father !! Your right, it was hell watching what the chemo did to her. I can remember trying to lift her up from her bed , she was like a skeleton, and she could only manage a faint groan when I held her in my arms. Sometimes think the chemo was worse than the cancer ! She was in remission 2 times, but on the third return, we knew the chances of a cure were slim. I managed to give her the lifelong dream she had,... swim with dolphins before she was diagnosed for the third time. Thats one of several big moments we shared in her short life.
Thanks again for your comments

J

My mind is a mixture of emotions.
My husband and I are both cancer patients, his prognosis is not as good as mine. We lost a baby in 1974 and it was hard but to know a child for 10 years and the lose them, I admire your strength.
My husband is very angry about his cancer and sometimes there are cross words, I am sure this was never the case with your little girl and you were able to just love her.
Life is very cruel, are you with your wife, she must have found it very hard to lose her child.
Please keep talking to us on here,
Helena.

Thank you Helena,
Its nice to know that people are reading my posts, first time I've really put my thoughts down in writing, and I assure you it does help. I've never been one who cannot talk about my little girl, even straight after her death, I would love to sit down with freinds and talk about the times we had together. You see, I always felt guilty towards my kids (2), because early on in my relationship with their mother, I spent too much time working, always out after tea to look for contracts for my young buisiness, and she met another guy. So no bitter tales to tell, except that I lost their mother and developed a successfull dusiness instead. So my 2 kids came to my house every weekend (without exception) and every school holidays. I think that may be the reason it has been a little easier for me due to the amount of holidays, quality time together, and of course the best love that 2 people could give each other. Ever sinse my kids were born, I have devoted every minute to them, completely forgotten about my self because I had 2 wonderfull kids to show how good life could be, even when they didn't live with their father. We went to ever so many differant countries, Disneyland, Tenerife to see the dolphins, Ibiza, Menorca . We just travelled together, no-one else, and thats where we grew a huge bond with each other.
So, no I'm not with their mum, we parted 2 years before the diagnoses, but we did share the incredible pain together, sitting through meetings with each other, listening to doctors gently telling us our little girl had only so many months left.

You ask about the anger Helena, well I do remember that my daughter would ask quietly, why she had cancer, no big fuss, just tears between us both as I cuddled her up and told the truth that I didn't know. How difficult it was watching her, and knowing what I knew,... and she didn't !! She was so brave , always telling me that one day she would be like normal girls, and be able to play along with them. By the way , my daughter had a stoma bag as the cancer that grew in her pelvic area was restricting her bowels, eventually blocking off everything in that area. So during some of our holidays, we both sat inside while I had to clean her and put dressings on her. Maybe that was another reason for being so close to my daughter ??
My daughter was such a princess, sweet and gentle, who never hurt a sole, she was so, so unlucky to be taken away from this world that she loved by that hellish disease .

J

Hi J,
What a wonderful father you are, you should be so proud of yourself. You had the strength and courage, through your own pain, to love and care for your precious little girl. There is no greater gift than the love of a child. I too have lost a child (7mths ago) and I know the sadness and emptiness you feel. Our son was 25 years old, not really a child I know. He was taken from us so suddenly (hit and run accident) and not a minute goes by that I don't think of him. I still cry myself to sleep every night. This has been particularly hard for my family, my husband and two other kids, as they have had to cope with my ovarian cancer diagnosis just weeks after our son's death.
I have just finished my last chemo and now we play the waiting game! I have had such wonderful support and love from those around me but nothing takes away the pain. Dealing with the death of our son is for me ,so much harder than facing my own mortality.
Take care of yourself J
Sending you a big hug....Carolyn

Hi Carolyn,
The feeling of total loss after knowing and loving someone so close is extremely hard to cope with, be that person 25 or 10 years old, its the same. My personal oppinion is that if you have a close family beside you, it makes you feel that in some way you are protected by their love and understanding for you. I,m gradually finding out that this site does indeed have many people here wanting to share their own greif, and for me that in its self is a big help. Knowing that all over the world there are people who have the misfortune to be in the same situation as us lets me see how kind people can be even although they have many worries themselves.
take care,
never fear the crying, ( I still cry many times) its a natural way to release,

Thank you for your reply, it certainly helps me on my way,

Best wishes to you,
J

Your little girl experienced love and care from you that some people never experience in their lives, I think you can let her rest in peace now with no feelings of guilt or anything.
What about the the other child, how does he/she cope? Do you still have good times together?
I don't know your age but there is always a chance of another relationship and even more children as you know now that they just need your love and time. It is hard I know, my husband spent a lot of time working when our children were young, but we needed the money.
I think you have a lot of love and knowledge now about the things that really matter in life for your remaining child and whoever else you want.
We can never forget a lost child but we can store it away and go ahead with the future with everything we have learnt.
I hope you will be able to do this and be happy with no regrets or remorse, you did your best and she is peaceful now.
Helena.

Thanks again Helena,
everything you said is right. My son is 9 now and he is not coping well. I've tried to let him see that we are all feeling the same as he is, and we cry too. But as we all know, a childs mind works differant from an adults. I worry a lot about him. The school are organising visits to a child psycholigist which I think is part of the Winston's wish team, I,m hoping they can bring out his emotions before he looses control altogether. He too is a very sweet young lad , but he has a terribly mixed up mind. We talk often about his sister, and I have heard him wandering into her bedroom by himself, where everything is just as she left it. He tells me he likes going in there because he feels she is all around him in there. I pray he can move on from this,.. in his own time of course,..

J

This is the problem always, the child who has passed is peaceful but it is so hard for the ones who are left.
Do you have any kind of Christian faith? Those of us who do know we are going to see our loved ones again, whole and well not like they were when they died. They are just waiting, as if they are in another room and we can't see them yet but we will. Meanwhile we have to get on with our lives, live the life of two and really have a good life and be as happy as we can for them.
Has he got any interests that you can really get into with him? Has he got any friends or cousins he is close to?
I do hope things improve for him,
Helena.

Hi J,
your son sounds to be very sensitive, and losing his sister must leave a big empty hole he doesn't know how to deal with. Hopefully the school phycologist will give him the tools he needs to help him cope. He is probably also trying to be strong for you, and has a lot of mixed up emotions. It has really not been that long since his sister passed away , but he will eventually work his way through it with your love and support. We talk a lot with our kids about their brother and all laugh and cry together..we miss him so much. It just tears your heart out to see your children in pain!
They say time is the healer and I believe that is probably true...just seems some of us take longer than others..
Take care....luv Carolyn